The Moose's Tale

I was wandering along the streets last night
When someone spotted a friendly old moose.
The moose was eager to tell his tale of woe,
So I told that moose that I had a friendly ear
And the moose believed my words
And this is what I hear

"A little old mouse with a long black tail left his wife and his childr'n to go and get the mail. What the mouse didn't know was that a young man-child loved mouses and would steal him away.
But little old mouse was a smart old thing so he stood on two legs and began to sing-
He said, 'Somebody get me a gun.
Somebody get me a gun.
If you don't right now I will shoot you anyhow
I said somebody get me a gun.'

Now this little boy was a stupid little brat - he simply hid the mouse beneath a Yankee baseball hat, and the mouse crawled out and at the top of his voice he proclaimed, he proclaimed, he proclaimed.

He said, 'Somebody get me a gun
Somebody get me a gun
And if you hit me with that broom
I swear upon Gouda I will kill every mother in this room"

Well the little boy smashed and the mouse he dashed and something went awry. For the little boy's father had a pistol for safe keeping in a little tiny hole that the mouse did find. So the mouse shot the boy and the mouse shot the mother and the mouse went outside and he killed the boy's brother and when the mouse had decided that he'd had his druthers, the father stumbles in and he meets the boy and brother

Shoutin', "Somebody get me a gun
Somebody near better run
Cuz I love my wife and I love my babies
More than any of you shits would ever know."

So I said to the moose, "What's the bother with the mouse, cuz if you ask me straight, I would call the mouse a louse. He's a shit and he shot a little innocent boy; what's the deal with this tale that you tell?"

The moose looked up and he said with a shrug, "If you give a mouse a gun, then it's worse than doing drugs." And the moose trotted off and I heard myself singing, though I can't remember why.

I said, "Somebody get me a gun
Somebody get me a gun
If you don't get me a gun I will shoot you in the head
You'll be dead you'll be dead"