An English Play

An English Play
by Thomas Anawalt

An English Play

In thickly representative accents, the actors take their stage. A gathering of kings, if you will. They have with them an American in a cage.

Scottish: (Speaking to the American, slowly) American preservation of the arts...it makes me sick! American preservation of the arts...(getting very honest, even with himself, but quickly and cooly spoken) how poorly we treat the films that money sniffers can't distinguish with heads so far up their own craphole. It sickens me.
Orson Welles was treated poorly as an artist, didn't trust him. As an artist. Could if they wanted to do. But, then again. It could be wrong. (the English and the Irish are drinking) Could be thinking up some kind of pinball machine. A pinball machine that doesn't work. Of blind men- (returning to the Scottish and Irish but still talking to the American) Speaking of blind men. Jacks going to stay where he is for the time being. He wanted to be here all along. Didn't you, Jack. You have to fight your way out. I know it's crazy, but can't you see what I'm trying to tell you I love you. Groucho Marx said that. Can't you see what I'm telling you, I love you. Jack's going to stay where he is. He wanted to. Jack. You have to fight. I know, it's crazy - can't you see what I'm telling you - I love you. Marx. Do you remember? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you, I love you. He sang. Yes he did. He sang. At least with his eye. His eye sang.

English: These bodies are not with the king that set up to tell stories. Of nothings. They riddle and ramble getting fool 'vices whilst vicing the fools. From any one who will offer them. I have seen it and will 't bare it no more. The players shall be killed. The idiots shall be killed where they stand. But enough on that. I've taken action! That's about everything.

Irish: Didn't expect so much rain.

Scottish: But enough on that. I've acted and done a bit of editing and documenting. Pinter and Shakespeare, some other William, Russian, The Iliad. That's about everything.

English: Thursday it was supposed to come.

Irish: Well, it should have then.

Scottish: Look at all that smoke. Can you see it?

Irish: Slow down. Take it in.

English: Can't take in smoke. That's hardly supposed to be what we do.

Irish: I didn't say take it. I said take it in.

English: Well I'm not deaf!

Scottish: Don't look at me.

English: Give it a rest then.

Irish: Make a job of it.

English: Health haven't you, you suffering pig.

Irish: Just enough to keep the home fires burning.

English heardsman: Oh Nooooooooooooooo.

Irish: Now what in the name of balding joseph's wrong with you?

English heardsman: I was pick up the weedsp eye yokel and trampled out to find just ending over there-

English: (approaching) Where did you find that- (as the heardsmen starts) come here! (he grabs the heardsmen's collar)

English heardsman: I half done not'n wrong!

English: Backwards heardsman!

English heardsman: (referring to his pants) I like it backwards!

Irish: Seconded you old trout! (points to his own pants, either to indicate that they too are backwards or that he wishes they were)

English heardsman: I neuur done anuthing to hurt no-one. Een't a fellah got rightin' tarun out a society?

Irish: Gotta pint!

English heardsman: As though it came from somewhere in my blood I had the appropriation to leave and just before I did just before I did. This gentleman assaulted me. I'll have none of it.

English: I'll give ya one.

(English brandishes his broadsword in a yell, kicks him to the floor, and cuts the man's head off. But as this happens, the curtain is drawn on the course of time for these men. They freeze. All except for Scottish who applauds and hurls great Scottish laughter, glaring at the American in the cage. The American, transfixed to the beheading, aches for a better look at the sword, craning his neck for a peek at the slaughter, only in a slight freeze, it is a freeze and stare, accompanied perhaps by deep breathing. Hold for Scottish laughter.)